well, i just wanted to whine, so I didn't want to put it on the TexasRivers blog. even though I have not been blogging, it is my main blog.
i'm SO TIRED!
and i want to post a dumb comment to my facebook.
you know the guy on Half Ton Teens? maybe you don't. but since I'm basically talking to myself here, it's billy. He is so whiny. I feel for him.
Without Jesus. I am SO Billy. He got out of breath trying to get out of his car to go into his house. It was his first time home from the hospital where he did not want to practice walking in the halls. He was slumped over a chair while his mom called the ambulance, all freaked out. He was saying, "Help me, God."
and I could just SEE MYSELF!
poor God. I don't have to feel sorry for God, but I know I act just as pitiful. and God is so good to me and gives me so much strength and I always feel weak and wimpy and whiny.
I seriously don't know how Mister puts up with me, but he does. 26 years worth!

and now that God has really shown me myself, it tortures me to listen to myself! I can so see it! but so far, I do not have the victory. it certainly keeps me humbly thankful to Jesus that He has forgiven all my sins and bears all my burdens, even daily, as He says in His Word.

I believe Him.
I trust Him.
I think I would be exactly like Billy, and hopefully a lighter weight version, without Christ.

I know God has changed me.

I was talking to someone on the phone today who is not a Christian, who was mentioning someone else we both know and that someone IS a Christian, but this person cannot see it. She said, "She doesn't do anything that a Christian DOES."
but when you are not a Christian, you do expect these certain standards of behavior, and you know, usually a real Christian is going to have some of that.
but that is not what true Grace is about.
Jesus won the victory and so we are not held responsible for our deeds in the same way. they no longer lead to judgment against us. HE took all the judgment. He took all the consequence. so yes, this sister in the Lord is a bad example to this outsider, and I so see why, but thankfully, I am not held to that standard either!

anyone who could see my daily life minute by minute (and according to Revelations 20:12---YOU WILL) would see that I am a sham! and yet, it is JESUS who makes me bonafide (using a term from "oh brother where art thou" ===a movie that does highlight some of the sham in religious so called Christians.

i just feel like talking to myself, I guess. because I would just like to stay home and do NOTHING and be expected to DO NOTHING and I'd like to SEE NO ONE and not disappoint anyone either.

there are so many expectations.

and I push against them!
they overwhelm me!

but Jesus helps me keep up a good life. it is amazing.